There's a first time for everything

At my young age, I often feel like I've lived more than my years account for.

Living internationally has a way of maturing people. Taking on relationships that aren't presented on a silver platter do too.

I feel like I've done it all:

• long-term
• long distance
• one-night stand
• an affair with a married man
• a relationship with a father of 2 in the middle of a nasty divorce
• relationships with up to 15 years of difference in age
• a relationship with an alcoholic

Some of these, by the way, apply to just one ex-boyfriend, it's not like I've had as many boyfriends as there are items on the list. Oh and the affair: I was young, stupid, and feeling unloved. Definitely not proud of that one.

Most of them I regret, partially or completely, and while they lasted they showed me new lows of the human psyche, including my own. Most of them taught me something. Sometimes futile things, sometimes lessons I consider valuable for future reference. But all of them have shaped me into being the way I am, who I am, for better or for worse.

About 5 months ago, a new kind of relationship presented itself to me. So.. I didn't do it all yet?

I will change names for privacy; references as to where I got these names and why I picked them are at the bottom of this post.

So, the new relationship..  Tomas is 34, and has a 3 year old daughter, Nala.

Tomas' wife, whom we'll call Tereza, passed away suddenly in December 3 years ago, leaving behind the man she had been with for 10 years, and their then 3 month old baby. She was only 27 at the time.

Not only a full-time father, the owner of a busy business, but also a widower. Relationship-wise, there's a "first" I hadn't seen coming. In the past I've always embraced difficult situations as "ever overcomeable through effort and love", but that hasn't proved so successful thus far. Will it be different this time?

My first time in the Sierra Madrileña, the mountains of Madrid, Spain

I decided on writing this blog to tell my story as we go along (5 months will be recapped in the next posts), in the hope that writing it all down will bring some relief and clarity during my struggles, as well as his and ours. It is definitely not easy or like any other relationship I've been in.

I've read through forums and posts on the Internet about dating a widower, many recognisable stories and issues, yet all different in some way. As each story is unique, I decided to tell mine (not wanting to spam yet another forum thread), and perhaps it will encourage people to tell me more about theirs, maybe provide tips and support (things hard to come by in a situation like this.) Or, it could help people going through something similar find those things through my story. I believe open communication is the key, in the relationship itself as with outsiders. 

Tomas is not much of a talker when it comes to feelings, making it all the harder to cope, so what better than the Internet to have open communication with people that know what it's like to be in my shoes, or his shoes for that matter? Maybe that will help me find peace of mind at the times he's just not up for it. Or maybe just writing it down in itself may take quite a load off my shoulders.

We'll see. I've always wanted to write a blog, but never found the ideas coherent enough to create something I'd be interested in following myself. Now I have a theme, an objective, a reason to write. So I started writing, that's a start, and also a first - my first blog post ever.

Talk to you soon.

Notes: 

Tomáš is one of the main characters in my favourite book - The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. Maybe I'll do a post on this later on, it's a great book and the character in some ways does resemble my boyfriend.

Tereza is Tomas' young wife in the same novel. But as far as I know, this is where all resemblance between this character and the real life deceased wife ends.

Nala is definitely a Disney reference, in case you were wondering. Actually I was thinking of Simba rather, seeing as he lost his father as a cub, but he's a male so I picked his lady-friend Nala to use for a pseudonym.